Monday, February 7, 2011

100 Reasons Not To Be In A Relationship

Okay, this is simply for my own purpose and entertainment. The next time a boy asks me, "Give me five good reasons why you won't date me?" I can respond, "Psh, I have 100." Most are aimed towards woman, yet, I'm sure some males can relate.
My goal is to someday get to 1,000. But this will take time, so I will simply post these and continue adding to it. Some of these are crude, so before reading, be warned. Some you may not understand, but I have reasons. Also, I am not cold, heartless, or robotic. I just hate relationships, and I feel that this is okay. It is OKAY, ladies and gents, to be single. You are not defined by the boy on your arm or the ring on your finger. And these are the reasons.
  1. You never have to hold hands.
  2. You definitely don't have to cuddle afterwards.
  3. You may leave at any time after.
  4. You never have to meet their parents.
  5. You don't have to pretend to like their family.
  6. You don't have to go to 500 different family houses on Christmas.
  7. You don't have to spend money on each other.
  8. You can focus on your career without feeling guilty.
  9. You can have your own priorities, excluding them.
  10. You don't have to buy gifts.
  11. You never have to take care of flowers.
  12. You don't have to remember birthdays.
  13. You don't have to remember anniversaries.
  14. You don't have to buy Christmas presents.
  15. You never have to buy any sort of presents.
  16. You never have to buy things in order to make up for something that you forgot or did.
  17. You don't have to pretend to like their taste in music.
  18. You don't have to watch awful movies which they like.
  19. You don't have to pretend to like any type of sport.
  20. You can flirt with random people at bars.
  21. You can make out with random people at bars.
  22. You can "whatever" with random people at bars.
  23. You can have friends with benefits with anyone.
  24. You don't have to keep things at each others houses.
  25. You don't have to split food.
  26. You don't have to call them back afterwards.
  27. You can ignore any phone call.
  28. You can still hang out with your friends.
  29. You don't have to feel bad about hitting on their friends.
  30. You don't have to shave your legs.
  31. You don't have to shave... and that goes for dudes too.
  32. You can stay in on date night.
  33. You can flirt with your friends in front of anyone.
  34. You don't have to get dressed up.
  35. You don't have to wear uncomfortable underwear.
  36. You don't have to spend money on uncomfortable underwear.
  37. You don't have to wear makeup.
  38. You are never "that couple."
  39. You can freely make fun of "that couple"
  40. You never have to act like the perfect guy/girl.
  41. You don't have to hide your flaws.
  42. You don't have to hide your bad habits.
  43. You never have to watch your language.
  44. You can make more money.
  45. You never have to have a fight, you can just leave.
  46. You never have to worry about them cheating on you.
  47. You never have to creep-check their phone.
  48. You never have to creep-check their facebook.
  49. You won't lose any sleep over the state of your relationship.
  50. You never have to have the "where are we headed?" talk.
  51. You never have to have the "what are we?" talk.
  52. Never will you have this awkwardness, "Meet (name), he's my... um, boyfriend?"
  53. You never have to deal with any labels.
  54. You never have to have this conversation, "Hey (woman), are you going to the party tonight?" "Yeah!" "Okay, cool, is (man) coming, too?" "---I don't know, bitch, why don't you go ask him yourself, I am not his keeper."
  55. You can spend all day watching Star Wars or LOTR trilogies and not feel judged.
  56. You can eat immense amounts of food at dinner and not have to worry about what the other will think, and if they can afford to feed you.
  57. You can wear your sweatpants every night.
  58. You can openly pick apart their tiny flaws.
  59. When they ask you, "Do you like my haircut?" you can say "no."
  60. When they ask you "Does this make me look fat?" you can say "yes."
  61. You don't always have to invite them to parties.
  62. You never have to pretend to like their friends.
  63. You don't have to share... anything
  64. You don't have to judge what they put on their hot dogs.
  65. You don't have to judge their shoes.
  66. You don't have to have the awkward morning breath.
  67. You don't have to have the awkward... excuse me while I go put on makeup before you wake up.
  68. You can be independent.
  69. You can learn basic "man-skills" on your own (i.e. fix things around the house, BBQ.)
  70. You can BBQ.
  71. You can be selfish.
  72. You always can choose the movie.
  73. You can always choose the dinner venue.
  74. You can have a never-ending string of the beloved "first week."
  75. You don't have to ever be disappointed, you just leave.
  76. You never have to watch what you say in case you hurt their feelings
  77. You can spend more time with your friends.
  78. You can spend more time with your family.
  79. You can have the whole bed to yourself.
  80. You don't have to kiss them goodbye.
  81. You don't have to put up with the crazies.
  82. You don't have to put up with the man-swings.
  83. You don't have to put up with the illogical fighting.
  84. You never have to have the conversation, "Why do you like me?"
  85. You don't have to pretend to like ESPN.
  86. You don't have to settle.
  87. You never have compromise.
  88. You don't have to worry if they're a cat/dog person.
  89. You don't have to go to family weddings.
  90. You don't have to go to family functions.
  91. You don't have to be their chauffer.
  92. You don't have be the 3 a.m. call reassuring them that everything is okay.
  93. You don't have to have intellectual battles.
  94. You never have to have cleaning wars.
  95. You never have to have the "toilet seat down" issue.
  96. You can finish an entire movie without being "interrupted."
  97. You can hog all of the blankets.
  98. You never have to have the awful conversation about religion.
  99. You never have to have the "I want kids" talk.
  100. You can watch a movie without spooning.
  101. You never have to worry about where the arm goes.
  102. You don't have to worry if they snore.
  103. You can arbitrarily change sleeping positions without bother.
  104. You never have to do the honorable things and take the bullet.
  105. You never have to pass colds.
  106. You never have the argument, pizza or chinese.
  107. You never have to make the 12 a.m. trip for cough syrup.
  108. You never have to make the infamous, pro/con list.
  109. You never have to worry about falling in love with someone else.
  110. You don't have to care about how their day went.
  111. You don't have to act interested...ever.
  112. You never have to worry about physical abuse.
  113. You never have to worry about emotional abuse.
  114. You never have to battle over video games. For any reason. Yes, I know how to play, stop instructing me how.
  115. If you see a shawty, you don't have to ignore him.
  116. You never have to come up with reasons why you don't want a relationship.

13 comments:

  1. I love you! Too bad we can't spoon and hold hands tho....

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  2. While I still disagree that one should never want to be in a relationship, and some of these reasons may be subjective in nature. You make some good objective points.

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  3. I truly think that there is someone out there for everyone, but until those two meet, this is a perfect list!

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  4. you don't have to hear the " we need to talk " conversation.

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  5. many valid points

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  6. its ok to be single but everyone needs love, otherwise what's the point of living if you live life alone

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  7. Well, my boyfriend and I just broke up.. again. I was never able to get over it. But hey, single life is lookin' good. Thanks for the great list, Alicia!

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  8. Everything is where you left it when you come home. You don't have to keep redecorating the house, moving/changing furniture.
    If you have a dream, or find a real purpose in life, you can chase it without being told you cannot because etc etc etc.
    I do believe in love, but I'm happy on my own, and have a purpose in life. It's going to have to take one very very special Lady to snare me.
    Great list Alicia.

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  9. Well, after countless relationships I can honestly say I don't want to get married. This list is awesome.

    While I miss having a guy around for closeness, I don't miss the criticism, feeling like I need to keep up appearances.

    It's a whole lot easier not having a husband/boyfriend. I'm a world traveler and enjoy my freedom. Most guys I know what to settle down Stateside and not be bothered by my changes.

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  10. Reading this made me laugh for the first time since i split with my ex, Thank you.

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  11. this list made me laugh and comforted me at the same time. I just left my husband after a year of marriage and 9 years of a relationship that turned sour after 4 years. I feel so many things at the same time, but your list gave me alot of perspective and hope that I can make this on my own, and enjoy being single. thank you Alicia.
    101. You never have to say goodbye. just leave. <3

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  12. well this list is shit me and my partyner never have problems like theese only a few gd valid points yr just a girl who had a shit relation ship and you broke up wiv that dude and then in a attempt to turn it on a upside u picked the relationship to part.i do simpersise with you tho,,,,,

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  13. Oz Jianglong WangApril 6, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    People wonder what the point is in living if you live alone. Well let me explain; since my parents abandoned me then died; ive been totally alone, and not even had a real relationship ever, and my last (kind of one) was just over 15 years ago. Im 30 now. I dont miss relationships because I cannot miss what I never had.

    Does life get lonely? sometimes, but im lucky that I can make friends most places I go, and I started my own small business, and this means I get to travel about all over the country whenever I decide. Loneliness isnt really something I think about now much, but if I do get a spell of it, ill go to a 24 hour bar, or supermarket and talk to random people if is at night, or just go about my usual stuff during the day if it is that sort of hour.

    Its gotten to a point in my life now where I dont think I would be able to handle someone with me, because im so used to being independent. I could quite happily do the rest of my life alone.

    Let others have the hassle of creating children and suffer raising them. Im totally free and love it; and even though im an only child who cares??. . . I dont want to contribute to the human population if anything, it needs reducing

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